Posts tagged journaling

I’ve been thinking about war a lot lately. all kinds of war. the wars we fight for our country. the wars we fight for our loved ones. the wars we fight for ourselves. there’s always all this conflict going on. all of my life, i don’t think i can think of one single moment that conflict hasn’t been present. conflict is a necessity because without it, how the hell would we ever come to any resolutions.

it is in the nature of humans to tear each other apart. we tear ourselves down so we can build a better version of who we think we should be. we tear down our significant others to mold them into perfect people. our parents don’t understand us so what do we do? we wish they were different people. we wish they would see things our way. our bosses don’t appreciate us. so we bitch and moan. we quit. we get fired. we file sexual harassment suits.

conflict is a part of life . as a country we’ve fought wars for one purpose or another. and in the end, the purpose is never as clear as it was when it began. somehow the carnage left behind doesn’t balance out whatever victory we acquired. but they are victories, nonetheless. as we grow up, we battle ourselves to become someone worthy to walk the earth. someone who will do great things. racking up the accomplishments one on top of the other so we can validate ourselves and know we’re worthy of living this life. some of us fight so hard, we don’t know when to stop.

i have always been a fighter. events and circumstances gave me no choice in the matter. i love that I’m a fighter. it makes me stronger than most and allows me to walk with my head held high no matter how hard life gets. what i always forget to do is enjoy my victories. i fight for a better life for my son. i fight for the happiness i know i deserve. i fight for it and it always seems just slightly out of my reach. I’ll be 35 in two weeks. i deserve a little happy. and i plan to fight for it. just like i fight for everything else.

…that will be one victory i will not forget to celebrate….